Differences between You And Your Boss - funny

all-mixed: no intention to offend/hurt anybody

# If you take a long time, you're slow.
BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

# If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

# If you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's "only human".

# If you're on a day off sick, you're "always" sick.
BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

# If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.

# If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

# If you please your boss, you're a boot-licker.
BUT if your boss pleases his boss, he's being cooperative.

# If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

# If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's away for important meetings.

# If you ask to leave early, you must be going for an interview.
BUT if your boss takes the afternoon off, it's because he's overworked.

What customer actually wanted - funny picture

Source

Tested positive for coke - funny

Positive Outlook : too funny

How to start your day with a positive outlook

Open a new file in your PC.

Name it as "Boss".

Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

Feel better? Have A Nice Day.

Wife vs Mistress

A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative
merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a
wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense
of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so
that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress
thinks you're with your wife -- you can go to the office and do some
work.