No intention to offend anybody, just an email forward :-)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Too long stay in one compnay - funny picture
No intention to offend anybody, just an email forward :-)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Modern Panchtantra Story - funny
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
UNIX consultant - very funny conversation
** Only for UNIX users.
Need a little UNIX help?
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX consultant: Yes, that's correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX consultant: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one ?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'what'.
Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
UNIX consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer: Which one ?
UNIX consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consultant: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this ?
UNIX consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.
Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.
Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless, of course, 'now' is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal Compiler team.
Need a little UNIX help?
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX consultant: Yes, that's correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX consultant: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one ?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'what'.
Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
UNIX consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer: Which one ?
UNIX consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consultant: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this ?
UNIX consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.
Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.
Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless, of course, 'now' is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal Compiler team.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Bug logging : funny
all-mixed: No intention to offend anybody
How Roshan D’Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)
Roshan D’Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn’t appear.
Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.
After another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.
After another 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry’s machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as ‘BEEP’ in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as ‘TONG’.
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend’s machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.
Another 2 days later,
Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D’Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.
After 1 year
Roshan D’Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.
Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.
Roshan D’Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)
How Roshan D’Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)
Roshan D’Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn’t appear.
Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.
After another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.
After another 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry’s machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as ‘BEEP’ in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as ‘TONG’.
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend’s machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.
Another 2 days later,
Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D’Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.
After 1 year
Roshan D’Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.
Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.
Roshan D’Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)
Monday, June 9, 2008
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